PulpLit.net

The Return of the King

That?s right, I?m back!!! That loud thud you?ve heard is PulpLit?s master manipulator, John, hitting the floor. Time to call in the search dogs and turn down the smoke signals ? the King of All Miscellany is back.

My last Blog Entry was 9/02. Since then I?ve been scurrying around the country from spider hole to spider hole ? never staying in one location for more than 3 or 4 hours ? or at least that?s the tangled web Miss Amanpour would weave.

Rather than account for lost time, let?s just pick up the baton and run with this crazy thing. I promise you, my Dear Constant Reader, that I am back for a spell for I have an awful lot on my mind and some nice cheap real estate here at PulpLit upon which I can build. While in the coming weeks, I may stick to the One Blog Per Thesis School of Thought ? today we do this staccato style?

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King ? Simply put, the best movie I have seen all year. This one blew me away. Now this capsule review is coming to you from the untarnished mind of a neo-Tolkienite. I have never read the books and prior to viewing Peter Jackson?s opening act, The Fellowship of the Ring, the closest I had come was a pre-pubescent viewing of Ralph Bakshi?s animated The Hobbit in a second grade classroom on one of those ?precious? filler days prior to Christmas break. Anyway, my fuzzy memory of The Hobbit involved a Ring, Sting, a finger-munching Yoda-wannabe and a giant dragon named Smaug. I certainly enjoyed the film (then) much in the same way I enjoyed Force Five (I was a kid with less-than discriminating tastes)? but despite the fact that I was an avid reader even at such an early age ? I never felt the call of The Ring.

Therefore my mind was an empty slate ? short of the few spoilers that my good friend Joe decided to dole out in casual conversation over the years. ?You know, all this talk about Vermont and same-sex marriage got me thinking of the Shire.?

Anyway, Peter Jackson and all of his talented collaborators have knocked this out of the proverbial park. There will be those who nitpick about differences between the books and the movies. Keep in mind ? film is a legitimate art form. Don?t think of The Lord of The Rings as an adaptation ? rather look at it as inspiration. Jackson offers his artistic interpretation ? a stirring masterwork that sweeps us up in its passion and pageantry. Over the last 3 years, it has been an annual rite to journey to the theater and revisit Middle Earth. Now that I know how it all ends, I feel a tinge of melancholy invading my heart. I should have liked to have stayed ? but the journey there and back again was well worth it. There?s always repeat viewings on DVD and of course, I could pick up the novels to help color in the corners.

Anyway, bottom line ? Bravo!!! Jackson (the oft-described heir to George Lucas) and his trilogy have officially kicked the Star Wars trilogy to the curb ? in my humble opinion.

On Deadlines and Doffing Gay Apparel
Perhaps the reason for my delay in returning to these pages is I?ve set a deadline for myself to write ? several times- but have stolen a page from the MLB playbook and have sought to render that deadline null and void each time I?ve used it.

I reference the recent trade talks between the Boston Red Sox, the Texas Rangers and the MLBPA (player?s union) over the proposed trade of Manny Ramirez (Bos) for Alex Rodriguez (Tex). Of course, the trade is a lot stickier than that ? with other players and casualties of war being bandied about (including Nomar Garcia-PopUp.) The problem I have ? outside of the player?s union and it?s commandant Gene Orza?s insistence on dismantling all the goodwill a weakened sport has regained over the past year through greedy manipulation ? is these arbitrary and false deadlines each ?player? throws out.

First we had MLB head Bud Selig state a couple weeks back that he had set a deadline of 5 p.m. on some random Tuesday and if a deal had not been brokered ? then the talks were done. The deadline came and went and we in Red Sox Nation recoiled. What?s done is done. There?s always next year. What?s this? A couple days later we learn negotiations are progressing. So the union steps in and says there is a new deadline of 5 p.m. on some random Friday for a deal. Guess the union deadline supercedes Selig (hell the Milwaukee Brew Crew has Selig by the shorties ? why not grant Orza a tug). So that deadline comes and goes. An offer is made post-deadline. The union rejects it. And we in Red Sox Nation fume ? trying desperately to ascertain who we are supposed to be most angry with. In frustration, I overturn my Forester. But what?s this? There is life yet within this deal. For Tom Hicks, owner of the Rangers, stirs and says talks continue but he is setting a deadline of 5:00 p.m. December 23, 2003 (today) for a deal to happen. And we in Boston snicker and laugh. I see how it?s done.

This just in. I just set a 12:00 p.m. deadline for my pants to remain on in public. Ain?t no way I?m hitting that. This is Christmas week and I am in a suburban office building. The booze flows like the mighty Ganges. These Dockers aren?t doffed until at least 2:00 p.m.

The Return of the Bling-Bling
?or welcome back Christmas if you prefer. Just wanted to wish you all a very Merry!!! Have fun playing with your Bratz (for those not in the know ? they are one of the hottest toys this season and can best be described as ?The World?s Oldest Toy working The World?s Oldest Profession.? You couldn?t be any more inappropriate if you offered up a ?Change Me Andy Rooney? doll.

Merry Christmas to all!!!